Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
