I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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