She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize