So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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