you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
