I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
