Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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