She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
