I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
