I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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