listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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