dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
