look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
50% drunk capacity currently
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
