My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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