you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
