when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
