So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize