I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
