One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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