You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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