dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
