Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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