He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
