the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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