i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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