i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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