i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
