There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The air taste purple.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
