It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
