1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Randomize
