I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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