No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
