i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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