they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
