So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
