worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize