I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
