we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
