i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
