There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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