It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
