dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize