So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
