You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
