Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
