True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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