okay pat passed out under dana's car
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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