they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
