Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
