My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
