i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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