how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
