A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
