I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
