how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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