those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
