It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
