Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
