That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
