normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
