Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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