i just wanna soil my oats bro
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
