I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
