you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
