I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
