you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
you had me at cake vodka
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
