omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize