Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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