Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ttyl tear gas
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
