hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize