I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
