it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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