We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
