No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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