There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
