I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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