You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
