And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
