apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We named our party play list daddy issues
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
