i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
