He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
