Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize