It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
