I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
