it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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