No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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