I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
