She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
