that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
