I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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