my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
