Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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