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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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