people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Couch. On fire.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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