You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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