Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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