Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
