Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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