I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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