Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
