so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize