Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
