Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
