Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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